my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
