And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the day after is always just damage control
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
