I will die if light touches me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
