Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
