Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
