i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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