I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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