I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
