Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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