I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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