My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
