Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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