i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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