I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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