Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
only you would photoshop your dick
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
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