four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
