hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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