I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
