All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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