After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize