I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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