there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
