We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
