i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
