I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
