i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize