You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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