My nipple is on Facebook.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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