He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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