yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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