If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
