This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
