I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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