ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
