you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
