Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
