I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
