That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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