my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
