I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
