Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
