bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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