she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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