I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
