I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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