I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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