maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
