man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
