I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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