goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
