So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
