you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
