Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
