This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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