Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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