Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
