She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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