just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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