She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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