You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
