There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
